A Father’s Fear
April 27, 2008 — plwalkerOne of my biggest fears as a father is that I will do something to let my kids down. I try my best to be there for them. While I don’t give them everything they want, I do sometimes find that they are upset with me. Sometimes this is good (when they want something not good for them), other times it isn’t (when I needed to do something for them). Here’s my story from today to explain.
Before Lydia started her (11:00 am) ballgame today, she had to take off her jewelry. So she was headed to the bench to give her mom her watch and ring. Only she was supposed to be lining up, so I told her to give it to me instead (as an assistant coach, I like up with them). I put it in my pocket not realizing that her ring was with her watch.
Fast forward to sometime durring the game. The watch was jabbing into my thigh whenever I sat down on the bench between innings. So I pulled it out of my pocket to give to my wife. Unfortunately, I still didn’t realize the ring was there. The ring fell out at some point. The watch took its place in my wife’s purse, the ring settling on the ground somewhere.
More fast forward, and we are leaving (after our 9:00 am, 11:00 am and 1:15 pm games) to come home. After my wife calls to order pizza for dinner, Lydia asks for her watch and ring from her mom. Shannon digs the watch out of her purse, but couldn’t find the ring. She emptied her purse and still nothing. I checked my pockets (finally realizing that I was supposed to have the ring as well), and nothing. We turned around and headed back to the fields.
Lydia, Christian and I got out of the van and looked around the field while Shannon manned the van. We looked for 10 minutes or so, and found nothing. I called her coach to check and they hadn’t found it. I was feeling lower than the dirt and grass we were looking through. We checked the two other places on the fields where I took stuff out of my pocket. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
We drove home as I beat myself up for losing the ring. Lydia for her part, tried to help her dad feel better. I had told her that we would get her another ring if we couldn’t find it. This ring was a promise ring that her mother and I gave her for her 13th birthday. It was a promise by her to wait on the person God has for her. It is a heart with a keyhole in it, and it came with a key tie tack for me to where. It represents the fact that God has tasked me to guard her heart.
You see, we have taught Lydia that it is as important to keep herself emotionally pure as it is for her to be physically pure. How beautiful it will be if her husband is her first love. How much pain and sorrow will she avoid by staying away from the typical “dating” lifestyle. She wants for part of her wedding ceremony to be a moment when I give the key to her husband to represent the passing of the responsibility for guarding her emotions. More on that some other day. Anyway, suffice it to say that this was a very special ring for her.
So, I’m feeling aweful, and despite the fact that I promised to get her another one, it will not be the same. When we got home, Lydia caught me at the door while everyone else was at the van. She patted my shoulder and consoled me, “It’s OK dad.” I almost cried then and there.
I sent an email to all the coaches asking if perhaps someone found it. When that was done, I reached for the last chance in my quickly dwindling hopes. I called the coach that was on the field for the game after Lydia’s.
God was watching over Lydia’s absentminded father. Someone had found the ring during the next game, and turned it in to the other coach. He held onto it and is keeping it safe for us until we can meet up to get it back. After the long day, and the stress of my maximum mess up, I was drained. I was so grateful that everything worked out so well.
CC
April 27, 2008 at 12:27 am
It is very good that everything worked out so well. I hate letting anyone down, but when it your own family…it has to be like a kick in the stomach!
May 1, 2008 at 11:26 am
I lost a ring too a few years ago at a car wash. When I realized it, I rush back to the car wash, positive that I wouldn’t find it. It was an expensive diamond ring with great sentimental value (another story). I dared to hope that I would find it out back where the cars were toweled off by the customers. There, diamonds glistening in the late afternoon sun, was my ring, just under the left front wheel of a van, surrounded by water. I knelt down and picked up my ring, much to the puzzlement of the man who was drying his van. I said over and over again, “Thank goodness I found it! I found it!” I left that day, uplifted, knowing that God had a reason for me losing that ring and finding it again under such circumstances. I believe you had a similar experience. I’m glad you found your daughter’s ring. It is even more valuable to her now, knowing how vulnernable we all are. You are a good dad to care so much for your daughter.
May 3, 2008 at 8:44 am
I wish I had a lost ring-found ring story to add, but I don’t. My wife lost her engagement and wedding rings on the Wildwood Beach of New Jersey many years ago, and she lost the replacement of the wedding ring some years later as well. I gave her a new wedding band with diamond inlays for Christmas two years ago, not so much to replace the rings lost, but to express I still was banded to her in our vows. It is wonderful you were able to retrieve your daughter’s ring (is there a worse feeling for a dad than that of letting down their child), but in reality you are not letting down your child. Much more important than a ring as symbolism of virtue and fidelity to God’s will is that you as a dad are that symbol for your children. It speaks volumes to your influence in the reaction of your daughter. “Even a child is known by [her] actions, by whether [her] conduct is pure and right.” The best gift we can give our child is the example of our daily life. I believe you are succeeding well.
May 3, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement everyone. I really felt like a heel as we drove home that day. I suppose my self-depreciation was so palpable that my daughter felt it because despite not being a big touchy-feely emotional type, she gave her dad a big hug and told me it was OK. I appreciated it, but I still felt aweful. I was so grateful God took care of that ring.